YOU are the BABY BOY of BURGERS. The SCION of SATURATED FATS. The PRINCE of PORKING.
That's right. You're Mobei Jun, heir to the MoDonald's fortune.
[[You already knew this.]]That's right. You've been Mobei Jun for a while now. It was a long hard succession fight, bearing no small resemblance to the hit television show Succession (TV) except with less white people and more killing.
But now, [[you've won.]]You've claimed your prize: being general manager at a local MoDonald's. Should your location flourish, the entire empire is yours. Well, the sixteen MoDonald's locations in the DMV that your family owns will be yours. Semantics.
[[Easy, right?]]Not easy at all.
You've been bested by the burgers, sorry to say. You've never worked a day in your life before now, and starting makes you feel very scared and vulnerable.
[[This is probably what your uncle, Linguang Jun, thought would happen.]]He thinks you should learn responsibility. He's probably just mad you killed his son in the succession fight.
You have reliable employees, who should help you [[turn this around, though.]]Your ever reliable man working drive-thru, Lan Wangji.
Your shift manager, Hua Cheng.
And your line cook who runs the fryers with an iron fist, Luo Binghe.
There are more employees, but they don't matter to you.
[[That said, why aren't there any women here?]]Why do you care, gayboy?
[[:(]]Focus! You're about to experience the afternoon rush.
That's right.
Customers are coming.
[[>:(]]I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
But don't worry! There's one you actually like.
[[Liking a customer? Sounds impossible.]]Stranger things have happened.
There's this one guy. He's kind of hapless, and kind of ugly. But you like him anyway. His name is [[Shang Qinghua.]] Hm.
[[This could be him now!]]It isn't.
It's this other asshole.
He always orders a McFish.
[[Come on, man.]]He's the reason no women work here.
Your line cook, Luo Binghe, worries about another motherly provider woman seducing him away.
He believes Shen Yuan to have formed a psychological dependency on him as his McFish supplier.
[[You're skeptical.]]You shouldn't be though. You're hoping Shang Qinghua has formed an illicit parasocial relationship with you too.
That's because he always orders a McFlurry.
[[But that's not why you like him.]]Shang Qinghua is your favorite customer because he's ugly in a cute way (like a shaved poodle), and he stares at your tits all the time.
They might just be at eye level for him.
But people get scared easily of you, so they never look.
They look you in the eye, and you HATE eye contact. Your boobs are down here.
[[Here he comes.]]You get the McFlurry machine serviced assiduously so it never breaks.
That's because Shang Qinghua told you once that it was the only thing he had to live for. He said that with a nervous laugh.
You're not sure whether it was a joke.
You are doing your best [[never to find out.]]"Ahahaha, hey, um, hi." Shang Qinghua spews gormlessly at you, eyes firmly glued to your chest.
You nod meaningfully at him. You're not sure whether he noticed.
"I'll have my usual. Oh, um, you probably don't recognize me. I'll uhhh have a uhhh M&M flurry. Please."
You turn to the machine.
[[It's broken.]]Shang Qinghua can't die. He's too sexy. In an ugly way. Like a fur bikini.
Don't kill yourself, Shang Qinghua.
[["Find me after my shift ends."]]"When does it end?" he asks, in a quavering voice.
[["Now."]]"Follow me," you tell him.
You pull him by his shirt collar to the family restroom.
You shove him inside.
Before entering as well, you don't forget to put up the cleaning sign outside.
[[You slam the door.]]"Suck." You tell him, pulling down your MoDonald's apron. You're not wearing a shirt underneath.
You run cold. So cold, in fact, that your milk is always... Frozen.
Because you are also in a constant state of lactation.
Your commitment to McFlurries is one of the things that helped you eliminate all your rivals.
[[Your icy tits aren't the point right now.]]Shang Qinghua, who is ferociously enthused for his McFlurry drink on tap, is.
He's gulping it down. Every so often he slows to chew the M&M bits you are also lactating (?) That part was harder to figure out.
The contrast of the cold McFlurry dispensing from your chest against Shang Qinghua's very hot mouth is almost painful.
[[But you put up with it.]]You wear the signature MoDonald's customer service grimace as he suckles.
[[:I]]Things continue to heat up.
"Thank you, Moby!" Shang Qinghua gasps against your cold skin. "I'm lovin' it!"
"Moby?" you ask.
You realize that that's how they anglicized your name for your nametag. This is a Chinese workplace, but people like to see English names. You hate customers.
Except for Shang Qinghua.
[[Maybe you should give him a Happy Meal.]]You grope at his crotch.
"The McRib is back," you tell him. "But you already seem to have a McHog."
"Oh!" he gasps.
"Fuck me," you tell him.
[[There's a sharp knock at the door.]]It's Binghe. He's yelling something.
"What?"
"I said, there are crying children outside who have to piss!!!" There's a pause. You can hear someone yelling at him. "I mean, crying children who have to use the restroom."
"Go in the playpen," you tell them in your deep, commanding voice.
The noise retreats from the door.
[[You spread your legs for Shang Qinghua.]]"Why me, though?" he asks nubilely, as he fucks you hard. He's twitchy and anxious even like this. He fucks you like he's doing it to the beat of a NCT song.
"I've been surrounded by MoDonald merch since I was a child," you tell him. "I've always wanted to fuck a clown."
[["Oh. Okay," he tells you.]]You fuck some more. The shaking is thickening the McFlurry that continues to spurt out of your chest. It doesn't drip anymore, it's coming out in chunks.
Some flies into his mouth.
"Wowza!" he says. He squeaks as he cums inside of you.
[["Plug me," you tell him.]]"With what?" he asks.
You solemnly hand him a MoDonald's Happy Meal toy, which he gingerly inserts into you.
[[Someone knocks again.]]Binghe.
You call annoyedly, "I'm SERVING a customer in here."
"Hmm," the response comes. There's a scribbling noise.
[[That might be the health code inspector.]]The person outside the door leaves.
"Fill out the survey online to win a gift card," you tiredly tell Shang Qinghua.
He earnestly nods.
[["Can. Can you leave first?" he asks.]]"This is my restaurant," you tell him.
"Please?" he asks.
[[Fine. You leave.]]SAN JOSE STATE "QINGHUA" SHANG END:
Thank god Moby left. You lock the door behind his retreating (massive!) back.
You run for the toilet.
He was so hot. So so hot. In a cold way.
It's just-- you normally never drink the McFlurry! It's just an excuse to come by! You're lactose intolerant!
[[You proceed to shit your brains out.]]MOBEI "MOBY" JUN END:
"Congratulations on being employee of the month," Lan Wangji tells you solemnly.
Next to the long, long, long, long line of plaques with Luo Binghe's face on them, there's one with yours.
Luo Binghe is sniffling.
You ignore him.
"Do I get a raise?" you ask.
"We dropped to a B health code rating because of you," Hua Cheng says.
"Okay," you say.
You're already planning how you can drop the place to a C the next time Shang Qinghua comes back.
[[THE END]]Happy extremely belated birthday Jam! This took me forever to sit down and finally finish, but it's here and I hope you like this silly gross little Moshang. You inspire me a lot to be more creative, and I'm so grateful for your friendship. I love getting to joke around and hear your thoughts, and I'm looking forward to hanging out again-- the world will CHANGE when we finally get a chance to go bar hopping together.
I remain your biggest fan and your tallest minion, your silly rabbit and your sweet lad.
xx tshirt